OH, CHICKEN.

I am WAY too old (and clumsy) to drop an entire carton of eggs on myself at the grocery store. I thought only kids made messes like that. To make matters worse, about 10 people saw me do it and heard me proclaim (instead of "oh shit" which would have made way more sense) "Oh....Chicken." Why. Why did I say that? #fml

Candy? Issues III

I am way too old  to eat peanut butter and fluff off a spoon.
Multiple times in one day.

Candy Issues II

I am too old for one of my bosses to leave a bag of green lollipops on my desk chair (she knows they're my favorite), but oh was it a nice surprise!

(And I have a great boss. yay!)

candy issues

i'm way too old to eat gummy bears for breakfast!

ps i think it is pretty clear the we (Liv, Em + I) have serious candy issues/addictions!

Spiders, ants and moths...oh my

I am way to old to have a mini-freak out dance (home alone, btw) because what I believed to be a spider landed on my foot. It was an ant. But hey Cali got a kick out of it. AND then later there was a moth in the bathroom- I HATE moths (probably b/c of Moth Man Prophecy which I saw 6 years ago and it scared me for life). Instead of being an adult and getting the moth outside, I just chose to give the moth some privacy and shut him (her?) inside the bathroom.

Ugh...moths..dusty wings.

Starbucks Always Saves The Day

I might be too old for roommates. 

I reason that I'm not because I live in a major city and rent is highway robbery high.

But I am definitely too old to be dealing with crazy roommates. 

(Read: unplug the modem, which is in her bedroom, and then lock her door and leave for the weekend, because the landlord and the rest of us living there have asked her to leave because she's crazy.)

And I am WAY too old to have to be communicating to the crazy roommate solely through the landlord.

(Read: Dear Landlord, Please tell crazy roommate to turn the modem back on so the rest of the apartment can get internet. Thanks, your soon to be former tenant if this situation doesn't get resolved.)

Yup. 

Greetings from Crazy Town Starbucks.

I.D. Please

I am WAY too old to be asked for a second form of I.D. and then told "I still don't believe you."

The eye-roll, annoyed face, and grab of my I.D. from his hands must have convinced him, because he told me I would appreciate it "when I get older". To which I responded, "Whatever, it has been at least ten years." And maybe I am too old to have "whatever" be my strongest comeback, but if I'm going to be treated like a teenager, expect me to act like one!

Nightmares and monster, oh my.

I'm way too old to wake up in the middle of the night after a terrifying dream and be afraid to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. 

I'm also way too old to turn on a light in order to fall back to sleep. 

Summertime Questions

Am I too old to want to play with the 7 year-olds in my neighborhood that have Super Soakers? 

Am I dating myself by calling them Super Soakers? 

What if I said I wanted to be the one to use the Super Soaker 50?

What if I told you that it would make me feel better after not finding the Karnival popsicles at the grocery store?

Wait, am I too old for those too?

Tattoos

I am way too old to draw on my self & my flip flops when I am bored at work- remember when "ink poisoning" used to be a legitimate fear?

Tiny Pancakes and Fake Scrambled Eggs

I am too old to have a long, detailed dream about my college's Sunday brunch food.

(But wow do I have a craving now...)

The bird

I'm WAY too old to be flipping the bird at some random high school kid who doesn't know how to drive and thinks it is acceptable to go 60mph in a 25, while cutting me off and making me spill coffee on my white skirt. 

But I did it anyway.

thinking I will used this one day in an epic argument:

"If you were a dinosaur,

you'd be a

bitch-a-whoreus."

P.S. I am way to told to be using the word "epic" at any time, other than when I'm mocking people that use the word "epic."

email addresses containing my hobby.

I just changed (updated, if you will...which you won't, once you read...) my email address. I wanted gmail. Kind of? I liked yahoo but my emails were frequently sent to people's spam folder. Not cool, or professional, so I changed it. My first name dot my last name was taken (BY WHOM?! Who are you?! Maybe I'll email this person), so I tried, unsuccessfully, to think of a better name.
In 7th grade, my email was iliketoridehorses_andhaveacrushonjustin.hotmail.com
Now it's alivia(dot)dance(@)gmail.com. I mean, it's not that bad, right? I teach dance....so it's...professional.




I'm going to drown myself in Lucky Charms and Sour Patch Kids.

Dear Diary...

I am WAY too old to be worried about someone I live with reading my journal. Especially when I don't have a real mattress to hide it under.

StarBUCKS

I am way too old to almost start to cry after I drop my not-even-yet-tasted iced latte on the ground.

I'll never see THAT almost $5 again...

Magically Delicious

I'm way too old to be eating Lucky Charms- and WAY too old to get excited about a prize in the cereal box- AND WAY WAY WAY too old to be hugely let down when I can't find it. Damn general mills...

This morning.

I am way too old to eat an entire bag of Sour Patch Kids in the parking lot while talking myself into getting out of the warm car to walk into the gym.

But only if someone sees me doing it.

These Sleeping Arangements

I am WAY too old to be sleeping on an air mattress long-term.

Especially an air mattress that has pink duct-tape patches.

Unicorns

I'm way too old to be jealous of a kid with a unicorn bike....maybe.

test taking

I am WAY too old for tests to be dictating my life.

Remember when in high school & college passing or not passing a big test could make or break us? Yeah. Well. I'm way too old for that to still be happening.